On Her Way - with Grief and Loss by Beryl Botman

Arranging and attending the funeral of the love of your life  is certainly one of the most difficult events to have to organise at a time when events management is the very last priority on your agenda. Looking back on the role I played and the luxury of hindsight, I would have done it differently, or maybe not. Russel and I having had the discussion of our respective funerals, facilitated many of my actions. Talk to your partner, children, family or whoever will have to take responsibility for funerals in your circle.

When my husband died in the employ of Stellenbosch University, the situation of having to deal with mutual expectations and responsibilities arose. What I could expect from them, what I could and could not accept from them became issues to deal with from the very start. Know your rights regarding employee benefits and employer obligations.

Mourning with your in-laws is based on current relationships and these relationships raise expectations regarding how I would include them in the arrangements of the funeral and further support, also to our children. Not in my wildest dreams did I expect to experience a sudden shift in relations – a shift for the worse – and the hard lessons I have come to learn.

Almost immediately after the news broke the mourners started arriving.To put this fact into context Beryl introduces this episode with somecontext regarding the persona Russel Botman was and remains. Shecontinues by reflecting on how she chose to deal with sharing the facts ofthe tragedy as well some other relevant cultural practices.

Beryl introduces this episode with some background regarding herself aswriter and briefly sketches how she came to write her books.Then shereflects on how she composes herself and gains some sense of logic inorder to deal with the question of the next moment, namely how toinform those who should know first and support them after they arrive.

Discovering sudden death comes as an emense shock especially for thefirst one faced with this fact. She explores her initial psychological shockby reflecting on and interpreting some symptoms, like not interpretingobservations. For further reflection she relies also the insights of ProfVeonna Goliath who raises issues like hitting blanks and being devoid oflogic and other thinking patterns.